I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
This is classic penis vs brain.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
