I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
