You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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