Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Randomize
