I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
