Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Sober January is a disaster.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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