There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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