this beer tastes like vomit already
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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