Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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