My hand turned me down
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
