Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(407): View more from Florida

If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you

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(027): View more from

I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge

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(901): View more from Tennessee

She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.

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(647): View more from Ontario

I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..

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(732): View more from New Jersey

We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.

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(760): View more from California

TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH

(760): View more from California

I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.

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