the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm like, not good at living.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
