Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
