you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
