im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
