I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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