Just mADE A PArabola og urine
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
do herpes really smell.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
