The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
