that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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