I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
