I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
