I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
