Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
