I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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