hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
