I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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