we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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