Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
