Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
