p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
