SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
