i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
