I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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