I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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