you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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