I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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