I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize