Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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