Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
