why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
