Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
