the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
