I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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