I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
