Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(513): View more from Ohio

i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.

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(845): View more from New York

So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.

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(347): View more from New York

Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.

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(416): View more from Toronto

Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career

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(845): View more from New York

You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.

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(773): View more from Illinois

They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck

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(860): View more from Connecticut

Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.

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(906): View more from Michigan

Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this

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