I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
