We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
