This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Randomize
