Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
