Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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