If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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