i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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