why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
