Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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