He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
