Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
