I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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