When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
