My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize