Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(209): View more from California

just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!

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(703): View more from Virginia

Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.

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(817): View more from Texas

I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home

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(905): View more from Ontario

sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.

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(845): View more from New York

My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...

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(501): View more from Arkansas

I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.

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(706): View more from Georgia

& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?

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(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.

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