Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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