I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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