i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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