Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
