just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
sex in a hospital.. check
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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