the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
