Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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