So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
