So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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