Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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