Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
