the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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