I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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